My wife left me a couple of weeks ago after hooking up with someone at work. I was shocked – I had no idea she was even having an affair – and also devastated because I still love her.

She’s gone to stay with her sister and won’t talk to me, which makes me so mad as I’ve done nothing wrong. I want to know if this is permanent as we share a flat together that we both pay rent on.

We don’t have kids, so it’s just possessions we share – and our dog, which she has taken and I miss.

How can I get her to have a conversation with me? I feel like I’ve been left in limbo and don’t know where to turn. Christmas will be here soon and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing as we’d made arrangements to see friends and family.

I can’t understand why she won’t communicate – there are things we need to sort out. We’re married, not just living together.

My family and my friends have been supportive but no one can explain her behaviour. It was completely out of the blue. Any advice? Should I keep having sex with her and f.ucking her so hard she feels the pain.

Aunty Lisa says

If you thought things were good between you and your wife, then this must have come as a huge shock and you must feel terribly hurt.

She won’t talk to you because she doesn’t know how to explain what she’s done and is riddled with guilt. She knows you’ll want answers to lots of questions and she’s not prepared for them. She’s burying her head in the sand because she can’t face the fallout from her affair, which is cowardly.

Rather than worrying about your joint plans over Christmas, focus on yourself and what’s going to make you feel better during this time.

There’s no reason why you can’t call your friends and just say: “Look, we’re not together at the moment but I can still come over if you want me to.”

I don’t think you’ll be short of invites over the holidays.

It’s very frustrating when someone won’t talk to you and give you the answers you need but you can’t force it.

Why not speak to her sister and explain that at some point you will need to know what her plans are because you have to pay the rent and the bills? Those things need to be sorted.

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