My wife and I have been married twelve years. I’m 43, she’s 37 and we have three children. For most of our marriage we have only averaged s3x about 1or 2 times per month. My wife has always maintained that she doesn’t have a big s3x drive and that she only feels horny for about a day or two after her period ends.

I have introduced toys and self-made movies into our relationship with good results, but still without an increase in frequency. When we do have s3x, it is the best. We both are very satisfied and my wife seems to get very aroused. I love oral s3x and always ensure that my wife is satisfied. My problem is that my wife has continued to limit the amount of s3x we have even though I have spoken intimately with her about how important it is that we have s3x more often. Her response is always in agreement and she acknowledges that we should “do it” more often, but she never follows through. Recently, I began to suspect that my wife was masturbating. I travel quite often and began to pay attention to how the “toys” were positioned and realized that every time I would go out of town, the vibrator had been moved.

Soon after I made a move on wife only to be told that she wasn’t in the mood, well this made me mad and I confronted her with my belief that she was using the toys while I was gone. She got very angry to the point of tears and denied everything. Well, I felt very bad and apologized for such an accusation. I felt bad for doubting her and explained my frustration with the lack of intimacy in our relationship. She again agreed and we both made a commitment to do more. Once again, there was no change in the amount of s3x we had. I continued to monitor the toy’s, once again noticing that they were being moved, but this time there seemed to be an effort to put them back exactly like they had been. So out of utter frustration, I installed a camera in out bedroom. For several weeks there was nothing, then a few days after her period I caught my wife masturbating on our bed.

I was shocked to find out that this was going on 2 or 3 times a week. It happens almost every time I go out of town. Not only does she mast*rbat* while watching herself in a mirror, she spends allot of time posing and looking at herself. All of this has created allot of anger and resentment on my part. She continues to deny me s3x, saying that she just isn’t in the mood. I feel pretty bad about what I’ve done and know that I have committed a huge breach of trust. It seems to all be justified now that what I have believed and what she denied to the point of tear is actually true. My problem is that I don’t know what to do now. I really love my wife and want to fix what is wrong, but don’t know how to approach her. I don’t want to let her know that I filmed her.

This would only cause her pain and embarrassment and cause her to move further away from me. I know now that she is “horny” but is satisfying herself instead of having s3x with me. This has cause me to have all sorts of doubts about our relationship and now wonder if there is something about me that turns her off. I’ve thought of telling her that I know what she is doing without telling her everything, but providing enough info to prove that I know. What would cause her to do this and what would you do if you were in my position? Please don’t judge me for the breach of trust. I love my wife dearly and only want our relationship to grow stronger.

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