My husband of 10 years has best friend who I’ve known since she was kid, anyways they grew close and their friendship used to bother me because they would wrestle on the floor and to me it was unacceptable behavior.

I told him and he stopped. However their friendship makes me uneasy. She’s always texting him for help even when she has boyfriend and sometimes their text message are flirty.

I’ve confronted him and he gets offensive and he swears he’s never done anything but has thought about it. How am I suppose to feel about that and trust them together?!? We have a solid relationship and I believe when he says he hasn’t done anything but I can’t get it out of my head that “what if” someday.??

Reply from Usher
Your husband needs to make you his best friend for you to regain your trust. Realistically, he shouldn’t have a bestie who gets in the way of his marriage. He shouldn’t have the need for a female someone else in his life who texts him for help even though they are with someone else at times. There’s a further problem when he gets offensive when you confront him because, simply put, you wouldn’t need to confront him about his behavior if he was 100{863ae21f3883e951777bdbc8607717246c41fed58c5a71d477243a35f9718ce7} committed to you. There’s no way a married man of 10 years can have a female close friend of whom he’s thought of going further with, and admits it to his wife, and then expect her to be comfortable about it.
You need to step back and look at your solid relationship because somewhere in there, there’s a chink in it’s armor. There’s a reason why he needs his female best friend in his life.

It is within a Man’s nature to go for lust rather than purity. The fact is that your husband will love you as much he can irrespective of her presence. Infidelity or bad thoughts only come into play when you allow them to happen. Let me explain, if they both spend a lot of time sharing each others problems, it is but natural that there is a bond that is created. And one thing leads to another. Now this is the worst case scenario for you. But on the brighter side of it, as i mentioned earlier, your husband will always love you. Only caution that you need to take is that there is transparency of what is happening.
There are plenty of married men and women who remain close friends even after marriage. But it is very important that they define their lines clearly to each other. I understand your insecurity about it. But firstly you need to sit him down and have a frank conversation, rather than doubting him. It will help clear all the misunderstandings.

I have made a mistake when i was younger. Where i dated my high school crush who was married 6 years and i was single. We were very close friends and shared a lot of time talking over the phone, sharing each others problems, she sharing her marital problems, making an extra effort to cheer each other up. We knew each other for more than 15 years i guess. It just took us one bad move to make things go bad. We knew each other for about 15 years. And one month of lust, ruined it all. I am sharing this with you, so that you can prevent the same mistake for your husband to make.

You need to ensure that they don’t depend on each other for their emotional needs. You should be present when they meet. You should know clearly about what they are talking. I wont tell you to sit and pry on them. But there has to be no hiding. I also understand that having friends is an important part of every persons life. There are some things you want to share with a friend and not yours partner. So, publicly meeting, talking over the phone for a short period, no hiding texts. These are ground rules for every person that your husband shares a bond with. And of course the same also applies to you.

So sit him down, tell him that you don’t mind them being friends. But tell him that there are some ground rules that need to be maintained. It is very easy to slip into making mistakes. So its better to be cautious than regret them later. Am sure that he will have some resistance towards this when you speak it out with him. So be careful that you don’t push him away and you don’t make him hide things from you.

Tell him that you believe in him completely and that you don’t doubt him. But there are things that make a wife insecure, and that he has to be in line for those reasons.

Hope things work out for the best between the two of you. Take care

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