Hello Aunt Lisa,

I’m a guy aged 27 and I have two kidz with two different women. I dated my first wife from our childhood days when we were still in primary school and I’m the one who broke her virginity.

We got married due to an early pregnancy that I fathered but for two years we were not staying together, we would only visit each other regularly. I then fell in love with another woman whom I also impregnated.

One day my first wife paid me a visit and found me with the other pregnant woman who was in my house. I broke her heart and she went back home. I loved my first wife so much, so I went to her to apologise but she refused to accept my apology.

She is now dating another man. I have since dumped my second lover, I really want my first wife back. Please help me, how can I make up with her because I don’t want to lose her totally.

Hello my friend.

Thank you for contacting aunty Lisa where you are guaranteed of quality and professional advice. I’m sorry to learn that your first wife has refused to forgive you and has moved on with another man.

It seems as if you have learned the hard way. From what you have said, I can tell that you had found yourself a good wife, who despite having lost her virginity to you who also impregnated her, she did not cause a scene upon catching you cheating on her with another woman. In such a situation, most women would freak out and go even to the extent of beating up the second lover. The way your wife handled the situation shows me the kind of woman she is, and that probably explains why you can’t afford to lose her as your wife.

What you did to all your lovers hurts and is very painful. You dumped the second one simply because you wanted to get back to your first wife whom you had cheated on. Women are very emotional and when heart broken they take very long to heal. Until they heal, most of them wouldn’t want anything to do with the heart-breaker.

Since your requested for advice on how to get your first wife back, I will not mention much about the second one whom you also impregnated and then dumped.

I do get lots of requests where men cheat on their girlfriends or wives then the woman moves on and falls in love with another man. In most cases, when the woman is really hurt, she would never give the heart breaker a second chance. If your wife’s new lover is very loving and caring then chances that she will get back to you are very slim.

Although you mentioned that she was your first wife, you didn’t mention anything along the lines of any formal traditional marriage procedures (including paying lobola). This leaves me with no option but to assume that you didn’t even pay any bride price towards this woman. My assumption is further supported by the fact that for two years you were not staying with this woman together despite having impregnated her.

Most women love being called a married woman and to live with their husbands. You are the only one who knows why you were not staying with her, but if the new boyfriend/husband is ready to formally marry her and live with her then that also reduces your chances of getting her back.

Also if you had formally married her, there would be other ways of solving your differences with her such as approaching her aunts and ask them to persuade her so that she accepts and apology. This is very difficult if you were not formally married. In that case you would need to narrate your ordeal to one of her closest relatives whom she can listen to and take advice from. Show remorse to that relative and explain how sorry you are as well as how ready you are to change your character for better.

Since she has a child with you, you might use the child to get back to her and mend a better relationship with her. I don’t think she will totally bar you from going to see your child. During the visits of coming to see the child, let her know how much you love her and how deeply sorry you are about messing up.

Lastly, in an unrelated advice. Avoid being a father of children who are raised in your absence. Be a responsible father who is not there to impregnate women and dump them or cheat on them. Research has proved that children who grow up under the care of the mother only or the father only will have more social problems as they come of age as compared to their counterparts who are raised in a proper family set up where mom and dad live together. So please always keep this in mind and do the best for your children.

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