Dear Lisa and community,

I’m a 50 year old man who is now very stressed. In my life I have married a total of three wives. I married the first one when I was 18 years old. We spent 3 years together without a child. I then decided to marry a second wife but my first wife fumed and we had a strong argument over the issue.

I had already found a girlfriend and a year later she fell pregnant. She eloped with me and this time my first wife had no option but to accommodate her. I’m very light in complexion and all my wives are not dark, but I got the shock of my life when this woman’s baby came out to be a dark baby.

I began suspecting that she had lied about the pregnancy. I secretly visited a sangoma who told me that my second wife had cheated on me with her other boyfriend. The sangoma said this boyfriend who was also a married man is the one who had impregnated her. The sangoma told me to return to him with my wife if she would dispute having been impregnated by another man.

I was very angry and chucked my wife out of the house when I got home. My second wife then went to my relatives and pleaded with them to forgive her and also to ask them to soften my heart so that I would take her back into my house. After so much efforts from my family members I eventually forgave her and gave her a second chance I was about 24 years old then.

She also failed to give birth to another child, so I married the third woman. This is the woman who then gave birth to a baby boy whom I gave my own name. I loved this child so much and even sent him to an expensive school because he was my only child.

In December last year, I nearly died when I caught my son having sex with my second wife. My son is turning 25 this year and my second wife is 45 years old. I reported the matter to police but they were both not arrested. The police said to me according to our laws, it is not a direct crime for a child to have sex with his step mother because the two are not related, so there is no case of incest in that case.

I’m a very bitter man that my second wife has cheated on me for the second time, this time with my own son, my only child whom I loved so much. At times I’m failing to eat because every single day I’m always thinking about it. I’m now also beginning to wonder if he is my real son, because it’s taboo for a son to have sex with his father’s wife in our culture. Please help me, what should I do to get over it? Should I just commit suicide and live them to enjoy life without my disturbances?

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