Dear Aunty Lisa,

I made a mistake and had sex with with someone whom I’m no longer in love with. I wish I had safeguarded my virginity jealously. Will I find someone who will accept me as a non-virgin someone? Should I tell my boyfriend that I’m not a virgin?

Dear friend,

Thank you for reaching out to Aunty Lisa where you get free professional counselling and advice.

I’m sorry to learn that you have lost your virginity. Although in our culture it’s very important for a woman to safeguard her virginity, but in the event that you have lost it, there is nothing else that can be done expect to live with it and make the best out of yourself.

There are millions of men out there who will love you for who you are, men who truly love your being, unconditional love, true love that is not based on your past and previous experiences. All you need to do is to make sure that you are dating such a person, not someone who loves you because you are a virgin. I’m not saying men who want to marry virgins are wrong, they are very right because that’s what they want, but since you are no longer a virgin, it means such a man would have issues with you if the two of you become an item.

About telling your boyfriend that you are not a virgin, well, what men do is this, once you tell him that you are not a virgin, he will want to have sex with you as well, because you have already had sex before. most men would then dump you are after having sex with you several times. At same time lying that you are a virgin is not a good idea.

I suggest that you do two things, one you avoid talking about virginity or sex until your relationship has grown stronger. After dating for some months, even if he knows that you are not a virgin if he really loves you he wont easily dump you. My second advice is that if you happen to tell him that you are no longer a virgin, then make it known to him right away that it was a mistake and that you wont have sex again till marriage. If he really loves you he wont dump you even if you refuse to have sex with him despite the fact that you are not a virgin. If he dumps you because you refused to have sex with him, trust me, even if you let him have sex with you he would still dump you.

Regards

Aunty Lisa

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