Hie Aunty

I am a heartbroken young married woman aged 26. I was deeply hurt aunty. l got married 5 years ago and we have a son together with my husband. We fell in love 7 years ago. My husband is the one who took my virginity when we were just 2 months in love, he raped me and l forgave him since we were in love and we moved on until we got married and wedded. We were very happy and doing great until a month ago when we received a call from my in-laws saying that they wanted us home to receive my husband child whom he sired with other woman.

I was hurt even more when l discovered that he had cheated on me when we were dating and at the very same time he took my virginity. He did not even tell me about it for all these past years. All his relatives new about the issue but no one has ever bothered to tell me. I have lost all the trust in him. My husband is saying he kept it a secret because he was afraid to lose me but wasn’t it my right to decide whether to marry someone with a child or not before the weeding or marriage.

He said he last met the mother of this child in 2009 when he refused the responsibility because that woman had many boyfriends whom he new and were not in love but they just met once. What should l do aunty? Will l ever be able to trust my husband again, sometimes l feel like moving out of his life.He has disappointed me.

Hello my friend,

I’m so sorry to learn about your experience with your husband. I know how it hurts. However, thank you for contacting Aunty Lisa where you receive professional counselling for absolutely free of charge.

I will be very honest with you, your husband loves you much. Find it in your heart to forgive him and move forward with him. Hard as it may, but he is a loving and caring husband. Yes he made a very big mistake of cheating on you and impregnating someone else, but let’s also put into consideration that you guys had only dated for 2 months when this happened. Chances are, he was dating this woman when he started dating you. Most men usually get a new girlfriend before dumping the previous one, and it’s likely that this is also what your husband did when you guys fell in love.

It’s unfortunate that this woman fell pregnant, the baby might be your husband’s or might not, only DNA tests will reveal the reality, but please my dear, do consider that you your husband had only known you for two months when all this happened. Love grows, and maybe his love for you was still growing when he messed up, but for five years, he has been a faithful and loving husband.

If he didn’t love you, he would have told you about this child long back, but because he cared for your relationship with him, he kept it a secret. Since you said you got married five years ago, I would love to believe that you probably have one or even two children together, though you didn’t mention anything along those lines. For the sake of your child(ren), I recommend that you don’t rush to dump your husband. Hard as it may be, but please my dear I beg you to forgive your husband and enjoy the rest of your marriage with him.

Lot’s of men cheat even after wedding. Lot’s even go on to impregnate several women despite being married, but your husband only cheated just two months after you guys started dating. Had he continued cheating on you after wedding I would have said a story. You have two options, either to dump him or continue with him. Dumping him would be the worst decision and continuing with him is the recommended decision. His relatives were decided to was until your husband broke the sad news to you. It was your husband’s sole response to do so, but unfortunately he didn’t have the guts to do so. I therefore urge you not to bale any relative for not telling you. WHat they did was the best they could do, the best every concerned and marriage-conscious relative would do.

Once you decide to be with him, I further recommend that he takes his child to either his parents or back to the baby mama until your heart break heals and until you are ready to live with the child. Due to limited space that’s all I can say for now, Please feel free to email me again for  more advice regarding your husband’s child or any other issues that may arise thereafter.

AUnty Lisa

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