Hello Aunty Lisa,
I just liked your page a few days ago and I think I like what I’m seeing here. I have a problem and I need candid advice. I’m married with a daughter and presently pregnant with the second. I have been having a hard time in my marriage from day 1, though my marriage is only a year and a month now. We got married when I was 6 months pregnant, after so much talk from his family to marry me since he’s an only child. They wanted him to settle down.
I thought he would change from his so many bad attitudes and habits but little did I know that I was yet to discover more. He got a new and better job after our marriage, but still his mum and especially mine bear the financial burden for most expenses in our home. The bottom line is that he doesn’t provide for his family, especially me. My needs are of no concern to him. The only time he gave me money to buy myself something was 2014’s Christmas. And when I try to warn him of how he spends his little salary unnecessarily, reminding him that he has a family to fend for, he gets very angry and tells me I like money too much, (as if he has ever done anything special for me since I’ve known him.) We quarrel a lot, the bitter times are far more than the good times. He comes home late everyday, sometimes spending the night out. He always lies and deceives me, he hardly tells me the truth about anything. He keeps telling me he loves me but there is no evidence. I must say my feelings for him are gone right now. I regret everything, and the thought of him alone sickens me.
Not a single happiness before and after our marriage. It all started the moment I got pregnant for him. I didn’t want to marry him at first, I had double mind about it but pitied my mum whom I’d disgraced. I wanted her to be happy. His mum loves me too, and lastly, I wanted my child to be legitimate. That’s why I took that bold step. I even thought that I could cope but he had more in store for me. I’m at my mum’s place now in Joburg. I came to collect my result from the University there, so that I can work and provide for myself and children. Since I’ve been here for 2 months, he’s only sent me just 4 000rands. I told him to add a little because he just got paid. He told me there’s no money but still bought himself a 60 000rands phone and some other things. The 4 000rands has long been exhausted. My daughter got sick, my mum paid the bills and has been buying her cereals, pampers and other necessities. He didn’t even ask how I paid the hospital bills or how I feed his child. Not concerned at all. Last week, I got so angry and lashed out at him, we ended up having a hot argument. He told me that if I don’t come back with my result, he would kill me. And I know, he’s capable of doing it.
I hated him instantly. I didn’t fail to tell him so. He also told me he has no more love for me, that I’ve killed it with my problems. He suggested a separation, since we no longer feel anything for each other, and I could be with another man. I told him, “fine.” He started calling me, I refused picking up. Then he texts me that he wants to know what the child needs because he just got paid so that he can send me something for the child. I didn’t reply. If he wants to send anything, he has my account number why not send and text me he has sent something. I don’t need his money, he’s had the money all this while. When I still didn’t reply him he texts me again, saying, his hands are clean and I’m to blame for the child’s welfare and he’s tried. I still didn’t reply. It’s been a week now and I still haven’t heard anything from him. His mum told me to apologize to him because he told her I insulted him. My mum wants me to text him to. I mean, why should I? Please, I need your advice. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. In all this, I feel sorry for my mum for having a worthless son-in-law, (he doesn’t even regard her, doesn’t pick her calls), and also for the disappointment I’ve caused her as a single parent. I’ve decided to work and learn a new skill. My mum and I are scared of me going back to face his wrath.
Can someone please advice me on what to do?