Dear Aunty Lisa,
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I’m writing this email to you all because I am an avid reader of your, “Ask Aunty Lisa” section.
Hopefully you all can spread some advice to me as well. I am beginning to think something is wrong — with me.
I am a 21 year old college student. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I had one “boyfriend” in junior high school, but that was a joke of a hookup that my (bully) classmates found comical. Every single guy I have ever liked, had a crush on, or slept with has ended with negative consequences. EVERY SINGLE ONE. My “body count” is 10 and I’m only 21.
None have been a serious relationship, it’s almost like I am a serial side chick or just not the type of girl men would like to be seen with or taken seriously. I have had encounters with guys one day, and then the next day they would walk right past me as if I never existed. Here’s my story.
I began having sexual relations when I was 16 years old. My father had passed the same year, so my need for a male replacement may have created my path of destruction. My whole life, my dad and I didn’t have the best father-daughter relationship. It was okay, almost as if he dealt with me just to say he was doing his “fatherly duties,” even though I never felt that fatherly warmth most girls feel around their fathers.
The first guy I had relations with was 19 years old at the time and I thought because of his age that he was mature-minded and someone I could build something serious with. I was wrong. After a petty argument, he decided to “put me on blast” a few months later, detailing our intimate encounters. The following month, I began to have intercourse with 4 other guys.
The first one “Thando” is who I lost my virginity with. I was 16 and He was 20 years old. I had met him on Facebook, and I ended up chilling with him in his dorm room. During our first chill session, we tried to be intimate, but because I was a virgin, we couldn’t go through with it (it was painful!) A few weeks later, we finally went through with it and for about an hour I was on a high. It was the end of the school year, I had just slept with someone for the first time! I was happy, but that happiness slowly faded and burned once I found out he had a long time girlfriend.
The next guy I was intimate with a few months later, also had a longtime girlfriend. Since then it has been guy after guy. Intimate encounter after intimate encounter. None have grown into a serious relationship or even a friendship for that matter. Some have had girlfriends, but have hidden that from me or dismissed the girls as “just friends.”
One guy I slept with “David,” I thought we had a casual friendship after our encounter. I called him one afternoon to see if he wanted to hang out at the mall or something. His homie answered his phone and said, “David said stop calling him” and hung up. I was so embarrassed. The most recent guy I hooked up with “Mike” is what led me to this email.
Mike and I met via twitter and we hit it off. I thought he was the sweetest guy, full of conversation and had an amazing body. We slept together and he promised we would link up again. I texted and called him, but after a few days I let it go thinking he would come back. I decided to check his IG to see where he had been only to find out he JUST got into a relationship with a new girl. Literally 2 weeks after we hit it off, he is gushing over this new girl.
The tears couldn’t stop. I’m just so hurt after all of this. I feel sooooo stupid. I feel like I fall way too easy. At this point, I’ve sworn off men. After all of these guys, I am cold. I look at other young women my age who gush over their “boos” and “baes” with envy. I wish that was me in the cute pictures on Instagram and family outings.
I’m just so depressed. I believe this is my karma for something that I have done in my past. I just don’t know why I can’t find love. I have NEVER had a guy fall in love with me or show me any type of affection outside of the bedroom. I’m tired of this revolving door of men. I just really want someone I can call my own. Any advice? – Lonely Girl