Dear Aunty Lisa
My ex-boyfriend’s mum still seems to want a relationship with me, even though her son and I aren’t together any more.
There isn’t anything to connect me and my ex to each other now, as we didn’t have any children together.
We lost a baby and that’s what led to the relationship falling apart. We could never talk about things, which left a communication black hole.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that his mum still wants to see me and talk to me. I’ve texted and asked my ex what he thinks about it and he seems happy with the situation.
I know some ex-partners wouldn’t be. In fact, he said he’s over the moon that his mum is still in touch as I was a big part of the family for so many years and they all still love me dearly.
Now she has invited me over for Christmas dinner as she knows I’ll be alone. I love the idea of this offer, but can I sit there all day across the table from the man I still love? I don’t know.
I ended up politely rejecting her offer, but my ex texted me a few days later, telling me to go and not to spend Christmas alone.
It would be nice to catch up and have a talk, but I’m confused. I don’t want my emotions ruining the day.
Aunty Lisa says
I think it’s fine to be friends with her if your ex is OK with it. And you don’t mention that either of you has a new partner who might not be comfortable with it.
Here’s my worry – you go to spend Christmas with them in the hope of getting your relationship back, but you leave disappointed and upset, and then have to pick up the pieces – again.
How will you feel if you have a wonderful day, then your ex just says, ‘Bye, see you’? Will you be devastated?
If you could genuinely go along with an open mind and the idea of remaining friends, that’s fine. Only you can decide whether you can handle that emotionally or not.
He might be using Christmas as an excuse to see you again and see if there’s a chance you could get back together, or he could just be holding out an olive branch as a friend.
As for his mum, seeing her might make it harder for you to get over him. If that’s the case, then explain that to her and say that when you’re with her you think of him.
You’ve been through a tough time with the loss of your baby, and people grieve differently. You don’t explain the circumstances in which you lost your baby, but there is lots of support out there. Sands (uk-sands.org) is a wonderful organisation which supports anyone who has lost a baby before, during or shortly after birth.