Dear Aunty Lisa
I’m a 24-year-old woman who has been married for four years. I married my husband after we had our baby boy. During my pregnancy we argued a lot and he even told me he didn’t love me any more but, for the sake of the baby, I married him.
Before I met him I had a boyfriend who passed away.
I guess that was also one of the reasons I said yes to him because I couldn’t handle losing someone close to me again.
Since we got married I have noticed some big changes in me. The love I had for him just isn’t there any more. I’m never in the mood to have sex – in fact, I just can’t stand him!
To complicate things even further, my first love showed up a little while ago and I’ve realised that I still have feelings for him.
We have met up several times at his place and I won’t lie to you – he makes me feel whole again and I enjoy every moment we spend together.
Please help – I have no idea what to do with my life right now.
Aunty Lisa says
I think the only thing to do in this situation is to be honest with your husband. You’ve tried for four years to make it work since having your baby and it hasn’t.
It’s sad all round, but I think it’s more hurtful in the long run – for both you and your husband – to live a lie. And, if you carry on meeting your first love, you will be caught out. It’s better to deal with things now than end up in that situation.
I wouldn’t necessarily tell him about this ex, but I would start by explaining that you’re unhappy and that you rushed into marriage more for a feeling of security than anything else after losing your previous boyfriend.
You got married for the wrong reasons. I get why you did that, but don’t let it go on any longer.
Breaking up a relationship is a really hard thing to do, but putting it off will just make it even harder. You can still be wonderful parents to your son.
I would stop seeing your old boyfriend until you’ve sorted things out with your hubby.
You might find out this ex isn’t the one you want to spend your life with either, but he’s shown you that your marriage isn’t working and that you can meet another partner.