Dear Aunty Lisa
I’m recently married, but I can’t stop thinking about my ex. We split up five years ago, but last year he sent me a text on what would have been our anniversary and all my feelings for him came flooding back.
We met up once last year and he apologised for the way he’d previously treated me. He also told me that he had a child, although the baby was not wanted at first, and that he was just staying with the mum for the child’s sake.
We are due to meet up again in four weeks.
I’ve known him for 14 years and loved him pretty much as soon as we met. We were together for nine years on and off, and there’s a 27-year age gap between us.
I love him dearly, but I worry about hurting my new husband, who is deeply in love with me.
I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Aunty Lisa says
You say you’re worried about hurting your new husband and yet you’ve arranged to meet up with this guy again.
Be very clear, what you’re doing could blow your marriage apart. And for what? A guy who you broke up with because it didn’t work out, and a relationship that probably won’t work out again.
When feelings are involved it’s harder to think logically, but if you really think your marriage is that fragile and seriously want to find out if it could work with your ex, then you need to tell your husband before doing anything.
Don’t go behind his back, even if you’re only going for a drink or a coffee.
These nostalgic, romantic feelings you’re having for your ex will wear off a lot quicker than the heartbreak and loneliness if you dumped your hubby and realised you’d made a mistake.
I don’t think your ex sounds like a good bet – he treated you badly when you were together so you left him, and now he’s with someone else, but just for the sake of his child.
I don’t care if he looks like George Clooney, he doesn’t sound like a nice person or someone you could trust to build a life with.
Think carefully before you jeopardise what you have for him.