Dear Aunty Lisa
I met the love of my life on my 16th birthday and we went on to marry. I thought we were very happy until I found out he cheated on me.
I was devastated, but we tried to put it behind us, moved away from the area and did our best to make a go of things.
Unfortunately, I found this very difficult and eventually left him after 25 years of marriage. We divorced and I met and
married someone new, but I never stopped loving my first husband.
My second marriage failed as he was very abusive towards me, so it ended in me fleeing for my own safety and we later divorced.
My first husband wed again and is still married. He’s told me he is very happy that I escaped my abusive marriage and that he knew he would get me back one day.
He has said me he still loves me and I’ve told him I love him too, and both our daughters know the situation.
Because he’s married I would never make the first move, but he’s been coming to see me now for two years. He stays the night and proclaims his love for me.
I’m guessing you will say that nothing will come of this, but I know we were meant to be together. I will never put pressure on him, but the situation is really making me ill. I feel life is too short not to be with the one you love.
Aunty Lisa says
First of all, well done for having the strength to leave your abusive marriage. What I’d say to you now is, although you love your ex-husband, find that strength again and be honest with yourself about the way he’s behaving.
He cheated on you during your first marriage and now he’s cheating on his wife with you – and has been for the past two years.
That doesn’t strike me as a person who has learned from his mistakes and changed his ways.
He’s still cheating and right now he’s getting the best of both worlds while his poor wife is none the wiser and you’re stressed and unhappy because you want commitment from him.
If I’m being honest, I think that if he loved you as much as he says he does, then he would have left his wife by now to be with you. What’s stopping him?
You should ask him to make a decision and, until then, don’t have him over for cosy sleepovers.
I would also speak to your daughters and explain to them how you’re feeling and maybe they can talk to him, too. But life is also too short to end up desperately unhappy because the one you love is married to someone else.