I have a problem with my husband in terms of his attitude towards some of my relatives.
I’m from a very big family and we have our differences too. My sister and some of my brothers take drugs.
I don’t support this at all and, in fact, don’t even talk to them any more. However, I still can’t bear my husband badmouthing them. He calls my mother a bitch in front of the children.
Whenever he talks about them, it’s always to say something nasty or hurtful.
I try my very best to ignore what he says and I do ask him to stop when he gets on a roll because I know we’re going to end up fighting over it again.
I have tried to suggest that we just don’t mention my family at all. If he doesn’t talk about them, then I won’t either. I have already changed so much about myself to make our marriage work, but he just can’t respect my feelings on this.
I find myself questioning how I ended up marrying a guy like this.
I don’t think it’s a lot to ask from him to just ignore my family and to stop criticising them in front of me.
What do you think?
Aunty Lisa says
I agree. Whatever he thinks of your family, he should respect you enough not to sound off about them because he knows it hurts your feelings.
It might be different if you were expecting him to attend family events and really get involved, but you’re not. And if you’ve told him how upset it makes you, then it should be a no-go area.
I think he needs to know that his attitude is making you question your entire relationship. You should explain to him that you want your marriage to work, but it won’t if he carries this on, so the ball is in his court.
You need to reach a mutual agreement where your family is off limits because you already know how he feels and you don’t need to keep hearing it.
I think the point he’s missed here is that although your family has problems, they are still your family and you love them, even though you might not agree with their lifestyle and their choices. You keep them at arm’s length and that should be enough for him.
Warn him not to make you choose between him and your family because he might not like the outcome.