Dear Aunty Lisa
I AM 40 years old and I am in love with a young woman of 22.
At first she said age did not matter. We were getting along quite good until I started considering marriage and told her about this.
She told me she would need more time to think about it, and besides, she wanted more time to herself. Now I’m only to see her once a week.
When I go to her, it’s not like before. She tells me what day I can visit, and when I get there, a lot of people are around.
I telephone and asked her what it was all about and all she can tell me is she is trying to make up her mind. Now I find myself checking up on her and I find the nights I am not at her, she is with others enjoying herself.
I can’t help feeling that I am losing her. What do you think?
I think you are right. Hurtful as it may sound, I don’t think you are losing her but that you have already lost her.
Since you seem not to have had any real quarrel, it would appear that she has lost that early attachment to you. It hurts to know this but don’t feel too bitter about this change.
People do fall out of love, but they fall in love again. This is what I think you will do if you use your time meeting new people rather than keeping a check on this girl.
I hope you are not thinking of yourself as “old” at 40. That girl is just not ready for a committed relationship and there is nothing wrong with that.
This knowledge, combined with not having to put up with a one-night-a-week cluttered up visit and you not having to keeping an eye on her, should put you back on top of the world in no time.
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