I have been married for four years and dating for two before that, when we were dating my husband and I didn’t have sex but only started once we got married. I write because I am concerned that I am being abused but I don’t know.

My husband and I argue a lot and after we have had the argument we always seem to end up in bed but when we have sex it is very rough, and painful, sometimes I even bleed, and when I complain, my husband tells me that angry sex is the best and that don’t I like it?

I don’t know how else to tell him that I don’t like us always have sex in anger and I am now afraid to sleep with him.


Dear Lara,

I am of the idea that if it hurts, you don’t want it and whatever it is, is being forced on you that is automatically a violation of your being. Based on what you have said above there are elements of abuse in your life, to be more specific sexual abuse.

As a counsellor the first thing I would say is GET OUT of an unsafe situation, I don’t mean divorce, I mean leave the space/ proximity because you don’t know when situations can escalate. Following this I would say speak to your husband with a counsellor to find out what is causing this and if he can get to understand why you don’t want this and why it must stop.

On a final note, this is your life and if this thing is damaging you, I don’t think that you should abide it just because you are married.

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