I have been dating a married man for five years. We have a five-month-old baby. His wife knows about our affair and our child. In the past he has talked about making me his second wife. I don’t have a problem with that but lately he is dragging his feet. I really love him and I want a future with him. What do I do?


MOM replies: How many futures can this man have in one lifetime? He is already enjoying his future with his real wife and real children. The only thing you need to get from him is child maintenance. You must go out there and get your own man. That one is taken. It was very short-sighted of you to bear a child with him. There are seven billion people on earth; go find your own man.

Boitumelo replies: A man who really wants you will pursue you until you are his and he will not be making empty promises. You settled for being second and those are the conditions that come with that position. I am surprised you are complaining because you knew that he is already a divided man. His time, resources and attention to your needs will always be second because you agreed to share it with his wife and family, who are most probably his first priority. You are still saying it’s fine to be his second wife. Why do you expect him to prioritise your relationship? This is how things will be, and you are already crying about his actions. This is your decision, you agreed to it.

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