My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years. We are deeply in love and the sex over the years has been fantastic. However, he recently asked me to insert my finger into his anus. He seems to enjoy it, but I’m freaked out. Does this mean that he is gay? I love him and want to please him, but I’m scared that I’ll lose him to another man. I’m embarrassed to talk to my friends. Please help.
Worried, KwaMashu
Aunty Lisa says
I can understand why you may think your man may be gay. It is a common belief that only gay men enjoy anal sex, or that if a man likes anal play, he is gay. Nonsense! Studies show that more heterosexual (men and women) couples engage in anal play than gay men.
The man’s prostate gland is inside his body, next to his anus. This gland is important for his sexual health, particularly as he gets older. When it is stimulated, he can ejaculate, especially if he is already very aroused. Your man experiences nice feelings when you put your finger into his anus, which is why he asks you to do this. It has nothing to do with who he loves and feels attracted to.
After a couple has been together a long time, like you and your boyfriend, sex play can become predictable. You know each other’s bodies so well and the sexual action follows the usual routine. However, it’s so important to introduce something new into your sexual lives, which may be a reason your man is doing this. It’s kind of “naughty” and “naughty” can be nice if – and only if – both people are willing to do it. Talk to your man about whether you are happy to do anal play. You may also be more comfortable if you put a condom on your finger.
It is a good idea to always use a water-based lubricant, since it adds extra wetness to the vagina and anus, and it makes it easier and smoother. Lubricants are available in tubes and bottles, and you can buy them over the counter at chemists and from my website. They also work with condoms and give extra sensation.

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