I am a 28-year-old woman with a lot going for me and I’m fiercely independent.
Recently, I have been having casual sexual encounters with someone who is 10 years younger.
I’m very happy with these occasional get-togethers and neither he nor I want anything beyond sex.
The problem I’m having is that several members of my family and also some of my close friends seem to be disgusted with my behaviour.
All my siblings are now married with children and the vast majority of my friends are also settled with kids.
At the moment I don’t want that life (in fact, right now I’m not sure I ever will), and I don’t feel as though there is anything wrong with that.
At 28 am I supposed to be yielding to some kind of societal expectation to settle down with a husband and produce 2.4 children?
I’m feeling under a lot of pressure, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with what I’m doing. We’re both consenting adults and the arrangement suits us.
Why shouldn’t I be allowed to just enjoy myself?
Aunty Lisa says
I think that as long as you’re not hurting anyone, then you should be able to live your life as you want.
At the moment, it suits him and it suits you. I suppose what they might be worried about is that he’s either using you – an older and more experienced woman – for sex, or that if you carry on sleeping with him it’ll prevent you from getting the opportunity to meet someone with whom to have a more serious relationship with.
You might not want that now, but maybe you will in a few years.
But, at the end of the day, it’s none of their business and if your relationship is just about sex, you’re not likely to be inviting your boyfriend to come out with your friends or to pop over to your parents’ for tea.
People find it difficult to accept it when others step out from the norm.
It’s a bit like when women say they don’t want kids or if someone says they don’t drink alcohol – it can make people feel uncomfortable.
Try not to fall out with your friends or family over this. Just make it clear that one day you might be ready to settle down, but right now you’re not