My husband and I keep having heated arguments about the lack of effort he makes when it comes to organising dates or spending time together.

We have only been married a year and, although he does eventually do what I suggest, the charm by that time has gone for me, as I feel like the effort hasn’t come from him.

I have tried leaving it and letting him take charge, but that usually ends up with us doing nothing, so in both scenarios I feel very frustrated at a time when I feel we should be brimming with romance and doing things together.

Our relationship before marriage was long distance.

However, I remember us always discussing all the stuff we could do after we got married to make up for being apart, which is something I’ve also reminded him of.

I don’t know what else I can do, as I’ve tried to make allowances for any financial or work obstacles.

Was he just sweet-talking me during our dating period of two years, but then had no intention of living up to his words after we got married?

I just don’t want to miss out on what should be one of our best times together.

Aunty Lisa says

I wouldn’t automatically take it as a sign of rejection and I don’t think it means he doesn’t love you. It could be he’s just rubbish at organising anything romantic.

You sound like me – if I have to nag my husband into something, that doesn’t make me happy either because I feel he’s only doing it because I forced him into it.

Think about how many times you’re asking him to organise things. If you’re chipping away at him all the time, then approach it in a different way.

Why not alternate it – one week you plan something, then the following week he does it.

And talk to him about what he genuinely likes doing. For example, my husband hates going out for meals, while I love it, so you have to compromise – take it in turn to do something you each enjoy.

And explain to him why keeping that side of things alive is important to you – you still have to make the effort for each other now you’re married.

In fact, it’s even more important.

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