How to survive through their disappointment when you take off your underpants
So you met a total hottie and successfully navigated your way to the end of the third date. Well done! And now you know what happens next: it’s time to head back to your loft apartment, play something from your Barry White vinyl collection on the old Thorens, and get down and dirty for some sweet, sweet lovin’, you lucky dog!
But now you’re nervous, because despite your smooth moves, your charm and your awesome sexy bod that makes complete strangers say, “Hmm, break me a piece off of that!”, you have a little problem. A tiny problem in fact. And that’s a big problem. Because although you’re not a white person, you have a disappointingly small penis. Now if you were a white guy, this wouldn’t be a problem. People are pretty used to being disappointed in tiny white dicks. And their small penises. But sadly, the one racial stereotype that could have worked for you has somehow passed you by.
But don’t panic! There are methods you can use to get around their disappointment. Follow these handy hints, and you’re sure to end your evening with a mutually satisfying bang:
Know your limits. This is the one point most often overlooked by the under-endowed. Perhaps it’s a guy thing to want to strut your stuff and show them what you’ve got, but you have to accept the fact that you are one of the unfortunate guys who don’t have too much stuff to strut. Save your complete nudity for when you’re under the covers and quietly hope that you feel bigger than you look. And while we’re on the subject…
Keep the lights off. Much like a vampire or a Gremlin, bright lights are your enemy. Invest in a dimmer switch, and keep the lights down low from the moment you walk in the door. Then, as you work through your smooth seduction routine, keep turning the lights lower at regular intervals. This will ensure that your soon to get lucky partner’s eyes get accustomed to the darkness, and it won’t seem quite so weird when you turn off the lights completely.
Two words: Buttsecks. Yes, you may be hankering after a little oral s3x, but honestly, this would be a bad first s3x move for a guy with your limited assets. Being blown gives your partner all the opportunity to examine and measure your sadly inadequate dimensions, so you’ll want to save that experience for at least a month into the relationship, when they’ve already emotionally invested in the disappointment that is you with your underpants off. Instead, gently flip them over for some ass amourousness. Remember, even the smallest, most ineffective pencil dick takes on a whole new significance when you shove it up someone’s butt.