I recently discovered when I turned 21 that people I referred to as my parents were my grandparents and my “sister” was actually my mother. Now I have the task of looking for my real father whom this family kept away from me because they did not approve of him when he impregnated my mother 22 years ago. What really prompts some people to be this evil? I am struggling to come to terms with this decision by my family which has caused pain in my heart? How do I forgive them?

Auntie replies:

I can imagine the anger and betrayal you felt when this was revealed to you. I can hear that you feel they have failed you and I am curious to know what could have prompted them to make such a decision at that time.

It is okay to feel angry, you have the right to feel so. The starting point is to share these feelings with your family and to understand why they thought it was the best decision all along.

Joe replies:

You will drive yourself to depression, deep pain and insanity trying to correct the wrongs other people do. My suggestion to you is to make peace with the status quo. What’s done is done. If you refuse to forgive them, you are the one who will carry the burden of anger and hatred. Sadly, you will achieve nothing with that. Breathe. Sit your family down and ask them relevant questions that will solve the puzzle in your mind. Above all, learn to forgive. It’s liberating.

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