Dear men, I know I am about to stir up a hot argument, but I am sure more of you would go to hell—after all the Holy book says “Most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?” KJV.
I am bitter; yes I am bitter because I sold my heart to a man who didn’t know the value… What did he do with it? He threw it to the dogs and turned a once-happy lady into the most vengeful human that ever lived this part of the country.
Is it a crime to love? Is it a crime to give a man a second chance and a third and even a fourth? I am confused and need someone to tell me I have been a fool for attempting to find true happiness and love in a Nigerian man.
John was jobless when we started dating. As a graduate of Economics, it was even difficult for him to get a job even in a bank. Despite graduating from the university with a second class upper degree, John just couldn’t get himself employed. We toiled together, prayed together, and encouraged each other. I was working, and so was responsible for providing him with some allowances to keep him going.
Maybe it was my fault because no sensible woman would be sleeping with a man who was practically living from hand to mouth. I was sleeping and having sex with him without protection. Like most ladies today, I was naive and stupidly opening my legs at every beck and call. I did that so many times without protection. I lost count of the number of times he got me pregnant and we had to flush out on every occasion. We were not ready; of course I knew, but just couldn’t convince him to use condoms because of the blind and stupid love I had for him.
Like in some Nollywood scripts, John got a plum job at a foreign firm with branches across Africa including Nigeria, and things changed. Though, I was a bit worried that he might have his head turned by his new status, not for once did I imagine that he was this wicked.
He was kind and nice at first, but he had his plans. After eight months of working in the company, John started showing his other side. Of course, I didn’t think it was intentional since I was love-blind; but things happened so fast soon afterwards.
Just can’t explain this as the hole in my heart won’t let me think straight; but the truth is that John got a lady pregnant and is expecting a child. He tried explaining things to me, but I was too lost to listen to him. He said it was a mistake actually, but what touched me was what he said. The man who pressured and pleaded with me on so many occasions not to keep those pregnancies is the same man that accused me of being wicked when I asked him to pressure the girl who got pregnant for him to do likewise.
John landed a huge slap on my face when I suggested that there was no way the lady could keep the baby. He slapped me, kicked me and told me to leave his presence before he commits murder.
Few days later I came to him after his friends intervened, only to find out that he was already planning to get married to the lady. Was I being wicked by asking him to encourage the lady to terminate the pregnancy or was I just asking for my right? I was confused and didn’t know what to do. It was like a 3-in-1 punch; and all landed below the belt. His mind was made up, and of course, he ended up marrying the lady, and they now have two kids.
It took me a very long time to recover from my broken heart, but I managed to pick the pieces of my life and “moved on;” but there is a big problem.
I have now been married for two years, and can’t seem to get pregnant—with the fear of the numerous times I aborted for John now hunting me day and night. I am married to a pastor who doesn’t seem to worry much about doing an elaborate test to find out if something is wrong with either of us; but I am afraid because I went too far with John. I did tell my husband how I was used and dumped by John, but I didn’t tell him how I aborted so many pregnancies.
John now has two kids, but here I am still praying hard to God for his mercies and for him to at least give me one. John has a happy home; but that won’t last long because I will continue to rain curses on him until his home is shattered to pieces.
I know he won’t go to heaven because hell is where people like him belong.
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