Hypothetical wedding: My older sister got married in 2010, and our parents paid most of the wedding costs.

I came out in 2015 as a gay man and I’m not in a serious relationship right now. Recently, my father, who for the purposes of this letter I will call Gender Norman, recently assured some distant relatives that they would be invited to my future wedding. This got me and my sister talking about who’s footing the bill for this hypothetical wedding.

When I approached Norman about this, he got very flustered and said he might contribute something. Norman thinks he’s the most open-minded guy out there, but apparently he still goes by the family of the bride pays for the wedding trope.

I pointed out to him that I will not have a bride. Norman told me that my sister’s in-laws pitched in for the wedding, but my sister tells me they wanted to contribute more and Norman declined. Norman also borrowed thousands of dollars from my grandfather to pay for the wedding, even though my sister asked Norman not to because she would have rather put that money toward grad school.

Obviously it’s very generous that our parents want to support either of us in this way at all, but I’m left wondering how much to push this issue given that it’s hypothetical. I would rather have this conversation now, as I want the news that I’m getting married to be nothing but joyful when it happens. Also, Norman plans far ahead when it comes to finances.

What do you advise?

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