Hi Aunty Lisa,

I’m a 21 year old boy and my girlfriend is 24. We broke up recently because she feels I’m insecure and obsessed with her. The thing is we haven’t seen each other for the past month and the communication dropped.

She thinks I’m obsessed because I always want to spend time with her and I’m insecure because I’m afraid of losing her. I hacked into her Facebook account and now she feels I don’t trust her, I really love her and I want her back. Please please pleas help.
 

Aunty Lisa’s Response

Hi 21-year-old. Thank you for reaching out to a professional counsellor for assitance and advice. I’m sorry to hear that your relationship has crumbled when you really wanted it to work out. Judging from what you wrote, I have realised that you desperately love your girlfriend and that I are willing to do anything to get her back. That’s probably the reason why I hacked into her Facebook account. Thats also the reason why you always want to be with her at all times, which ends up, unfortunately, making her feel as if you are obsessed with her.

In relationships, there is always one party which loves the other party more. A couple can never love each other equally. I’m sorry that in your case you are the one who loved her more, and she wasn’t comfortable with that. To solve this, I suggest that you try and find something to alwayskeep you occupied, such as reading newspapers or novels on your spare time, watching tv or movies on your spare time, going out for braais or church outings or going to watch soccer on your spare time etc. This reduced the time that you always want to be with your girlfriend if she complains that you are obsessed with her.

On hacking into her Facebook account, that shows you were suspecting that something fishy could be taking place. In short, it shows you didn’t trust her 100{863ae21f3883e951777bdbc8607717246c41fed58c5a71d477243a35f9718ce7}. Whatever you found, you should have made sure she was not going to know that you hacked into her Facebook account. Every woman would feel like she is being suspected of cheating if her boyfriend hacks into her Facebook account or scrolls her WhatsApp messages without her knowledge. If you decided to do so, then make sure she won’;t know, unless if you don’t want to be her boyfriend anymore.

I suggest that you ask her nicely if she can spend just a few minutes of talking to you (preferably face to face). If she agrees then first apologise for hacking into her account and also apologise for any other thing she accuses you of wrongly doing (this helps to make her calm down and crease a better atmosphere for an effective conversation). Then let her know how much you love her and how much you are willing to make your relationship work.

If this fails to materialise, you can try talking to someone who is both close to the two of you (preferably a female soneone), so that person can persuade your ex-girlfriend to give you another chance. This usually yields better results than trying to talk to her on your own.

Lastly, I’m sorry to say this, but you should know the truth because there is no substitute for the truth. Not all relationships end in marriage. Even some that end in marriage still wont last, which is why there are so many divorces. At times you need to look at your personality, your interests, your beliefs and your way of doing things, compare with your girlfriend’s and see if they click. If there are more differences than similarities then sooner or later you are still going to break up. It’s better to break up before marriage than to break up after siring children with her. I’m not encouraging you to totally break up with your lover, but I’m kindly asking you to scrutinize other factors that build or destroy a relationship and see if the two of you can be together for the rest of your lives.

Wish you all the best in your love life.

Regards

Aunty Lisa

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