Hello aunty Lisa

I am 21 years old, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He has been emotionally abusive ever since we started dating until I decided to cheat on him.

Now the other guy I am with is also physically abusive. Even though he has never hit me he promised me that he will if he found out I was still with my boyfriend.  

I am so scared I don’t know how to dump the new guy because I love my boyfriend with my whole life.

Now I am even considering going to a sangoma just to get him off my case and to forget we ever met, please help me.

Hello 21-year-old.

Thank you for reaching out to Aunty Lisa for professional advice.

I’m so sorry to hear that you are in an abusive relationship, and that your first boyfriend was equally abusive. If a guy is so abusive before marriage, be rest assured that once you get married to him, he becomes more abusive. You will be staying together, under the same roof, and you are bound to make mistakes or do anything that can frustrate him, he will be more rogue than before.

If you are not comfortable with being in such a relationship or marriage then you have to act now. Having two boyfriends is not a good idea. Make a decision on who you love the most then dump the one you don’t love.

If you feel that of the two abusive boyfriends, you truly love one of them, then you might end up approaching the courts for a peace order against the abusive lover. This would be reasonable if you were already married, but since you are still dating, it is not my best solution though it is an option where one desperately loves his/her lover.

Regarding the sangoma issue. Well, it all depends on one’s beliefs. Aunty Lisa grew up in a Christian background, so you would rarely find me supporting the sangoma option. But if you feel you know a real sangoma who would provide you with a permanent solution that doesn’t have any unwanted and non-reversible side-effects, well you can choose that route, without my blessings unfortunately.

My final word is, make up your mind. You can either dump both of these abusive boyfriends and look for a non-abusive one (since you cheated on the first one because he was abusive, meaning you don’t tolerate abuse). Or you can dump one of the two and remain with the better one, then strongly warn him against physically or emotionally abusing you. If dumping any of them is a challenge, then always know that police and the civil courts are always ready to help you exercise your human right.

Yours Aunty Lisa

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