I have a problem with dating when coming to dating I have a problem, I have been hurt like everybody else.
I have been single for about 3 years and my loneliness took the best of me. I have a problem with anger towards myself and towards everything. I get bored too easily. I have low self-esteem and am to choosy when coming to relationships.
I tried to control my behaviour but its hard the way I see it I think I will be single for the rest of life I really need help.
I’m sorry to learn about your situation, but I would like to commend you for reaching out to Aunty Lisa for professional counselling and advice.
I do understand what you are talking about. It’s usually common to women who have been heart broken countless times by men who coincidentally don’t take dating you seriously.
I have two solutions that might solve your problem. The first one is a natural one while the second one is a spiritual one.
Being single for 3 years is not a joke, that alone shows you have been hurt very much, but life is like that. It’s not about how many times you have fallen, but what counts is how many times to have picked yourself up after falling. Forget about the past and move on with your life. Always know that there is someone out there who is your perfect match. Someone who loves the way you are, the way you smile, the way you think, the way you dress etc. Once you meet that person you will enjoy your life like never before.
To meet that kind of person, do what you love. If you are church person and a prayer warrior, then expect to get your partner from church. If you love musical shows so much, then make sure your next boyfriend loves that too. If you usually spend the greater part of your time watching TV at home, then your lover should love being at home watching tv too. That helps to eliminate friction and too much conflicts.
Low self esteem is also caused by the people you hang out with. You might need to change friends and get new friends who appreciate your contributions during social conversations, friends who don’t look down upon yourself, friends of your own calibre and social status. If you earn R12,000 or $1,000 then avoid hanging out with friends who earn twice or three times that amount because in the end such people normally will help lower your self esteem while you boost theirs.
Also keep yourself busy in your spare time. Avoid awarding yourself so much time to idle, doing nothing and thinking about your issues. That won’t help but will only make you more miserable. Rather go for a walk, visit a close relative, watch tv, listen to music or radio, go on Facebook or WhatsApp, read a novel etc on your spare time. If you have some extra cash you can even go shopping. All that helps to reduce stress. A stressed someone always has low-esteem, so keep yourself busy to fight stress. But in the long run you need to solve the cause of the stress.
The second solution is spiritual. Whether you believe in God or not, but the bottom line is you do have some spiritual beliefs. Those who believe in traditional healers often visit their sangomas when such unfortunate circumstances occur and they claim that things change for better. But personally as a Christian, I would suggest that you pray about it and even visit any of these highly recommended pastors and ask them to pray for you.
I have even heard of success stories of people who watched Gospel Channels on TV and prayed with the pastor while watching tv. Some claim that God answered their prayers in that way, and you might need to try it too.
If you follow the advices that I have given in this article, I strongly believe that you will soon write to me with a testimony.