Hey Aunty Lisa,

I am in a long term relationship and my boyfriend keeps cheating on me and says its because I once cheated on him, so he too lost trust in me. I know I have to move on but I don’t want to because of him. He makes me so happy and we can talk about anything. He is the one my hart bleeds for.

I want to know how can I earn his trust again if its possible because I really do love him and I don’t want to start another relationship with someone else because it won’t be the same without him. How can I show him that I can’t live without him and how can I avoid losing him?

Dear friend,

It’s unfortunate that you are realising the mistakes you made when it’s a bit too late. I always encourage both men and women not to cheat on their loved ones because the repercussions of doing so are at times unbearable and regrettable for the keeps.

Anyway, I suggest that you sit down with your friend, since you still talk together, sit down with him, apologise for what you did and promise him that it won’t ever happen again. Upon making the promise, then do everything possible to prove to him that you are no longer cheating on him. Examples include avoiding chatting with other people on WhatsApp when he is around. Have as few male friends as possible, and avoid guarding your phone jealously when he is around. Make him realise that you don’t have anything to hide. Please note that building the once-destroyed trust takes ages to achieve and you need to be patient.

Also study what your boyfriend loves, then use that to your advantage. If he loves soccer so much, then buying him something associated with soccer, especially something that relates with the team he supports will help strengthen your relationship. Show interest in learning more about what he loves the most. This helps to build your social bondage as well, because a healthy relationship has to be balanced, socially, economically, romantically etc.

Also note that he might have been cheating on you before you even cheated on him, and now he has an excuse for his cheating. If this is the case then mending the relationship might be more challenging because that means he can’t easily be satisfied with just one girlfriend. I had to think along these lines because you mentioned that he keeps cheating on you. While I’m not encouraging you to part ways with your boyfriend, I also want to be very honest with you and tell you that some relationships are just not meant to end in marriage. If you force a relationship that not marriage-material, the outcome is always the same – divorce. It might take 2 or 5 or even 10 years but such bad relationships that end in marriages will in one way or the other result in a divorce.

So to avoid this, let not emotions decide for you. Look at all factors, figure out if he really loves you, or there is something that he wants from you. If you cheated only once, then he should not cheat on you 10 times and still blame it all on that one incident where you cheated first.

In conclusion, sit down with your boyfriend, apologise for what you did and reach an agreement that you are both going to forget about the past and start on a new leaf. If both of you keep the new promise then your problem is solved. If one of you fails to stick to his/her promise, then it might be a sign that there is a serious issue in your relationship which requires a totally different approach.

Wish you all the best my dear.

Yours

Aunty Lisa

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