Hi Aunty Lisa,
I’ve been in a relationship for almost 6 years now. My boyfriend seems to like other girlfriend’s company/chats more than mine. Each time we argue he goes and ask for advice from a lady friend which ends in cheating. We have a baby boy who is 2 years old. I still love him, but my feelings have faded. How do I end it without telling him??
Hi my friend,
Thanks for reaching out to Aunty Lisa for professional counselling. I’m sorry to learn about your experience with your boyfriend of six years. At times facts are stubborn and it’s a fact that men are naturally attracted to more women. Naturally men won’t easily be content with just one woman. It’s a very bad character but unfortunately almost all men do fail to stick to one woman throughout their love lives.
Your boyfriend should learn not to take issues from your relationship and discuss them with other women out there. Those women will usually take advantage of the misunderstanding that you and your boyfriend will be experiencing then utilize the chance to win his heart. It’s never a good idea to get advice regarding your relationship from a female friend when you are a guy or from a male friend when you are a girl.
Personally I recommend that couples should sit down and register their complaints to their spouses directly instead of getting advice from friends. If talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend fails to yield positive results, then try approaching a close relative, not any close relative, but someone you are close to, whose words and advice would be accepted by your lover. For guys, your girlfriend’s elder sister is usually the best option. For ladies, your boyfriend’s elder brother is usually the best option.
For the sake of the child that the of you have, I urge you to try your best and make things up. Children who grow up in the company of both parents are happier and less stressed as compared to children who are raised by a single parent.
It’s unfortunate that you got impregnated by someone who wasn’t ready to get married to you, but that was not a good decision. It might be “normal” in some cultures, but its always healthy and recommended to get pregnant once you are married, or at least when marriage plans are in place. This could be irrelevant in your case, but for the case of boyfriends and girlfriend who are planning to do the same, I felt I should strongly warn them to avoid similar issues.
In conclusion, you have two options, and the final decision has to come from you. Let your heart be the judge. You said you still love him, so sit down with him and find out if he still loves you and also if he is still interested in spending the rest of his life with you. If he is, then the two of you should talk about what has been affecting your relationship all along. Tell him what you want him to sort out and he too should tell you what you should chance for the same of building a stronger relationship. If both parties stick to the confines of your discussion then you will both enjoy your love affair.
The second option, you said your feelings for him have faded. This means you no longer love him as much as you used to do. I guess you probably have or recently had a crush on someone. When a woman loves someone, usually that strong feeling only fades after she starts admiring someone else or when she wishes to date another (specific) guy. If this is the case, then before dumping your first guy, be sure that your love for him has truly died and will not “resurrect” again. Otherwise, sticking to him until you are sure that you don’t love him anymore is a better solution. The dangers of dumping someone you still love is that chances are you will easily cheat on the new boyfriend with the old guy, especially when you already have a child with him.
NB: Please never have two boyfriends at the same time. This is not a good practice and you often lose the truth of the guy whom you love more. So deal the one boyfriend at a time and only move on after terminating the first relationship.