Dear Aunty Lisa,

My boyfriend and I had an argument that made us not talk to each other for a while. Instead of trying to find a solution, I went on to cheat on him with my ex… I felt guilty because I love him so much and I confessed to him that I had cheated on him. Now he’s not talking to me…what should I do aunty.

Hello My friend,

I’m sorry to learn about your current situation. However let me make the record straight. You made a number of mistakes. First, you knew very well that you love your boyfriend so much, but you went on to cheat on him. Secondly, although cheating on your boyfriend is something I will never ever support, you went on to tell him voluntarily that you had cheated on him with your ex boyfriend.

Next time, never ever make a mistake of telling your current boyfriend about the good times (including sex) you had with ex boyfriend. You would have destroyed your own relationship by so doing. You were never supposed to voluntarily confess to your boyfriend that you had cheated on him. I suppose you thought he would believe that you are honest. Well unfortunately it’s the other way round, he won’t trust you anymore because you successfully cheated on him.

In every relationship there is always one who loves the other party more. It’s either the boyfriend loves the girlfriend more than the way he is loved back or the girlfriend loves the boyfriend more than the way she is loved back. If you are the one who loves the other part more, then unfortunately you have to try harder to save the relationship from crumbling. You were supposed to show your boyfriend how much you love him, without cheating on him because cheating on him never solved anything.

Chances that your ex boyfriend will take you back for marriage are a bit slim because what made the two of you break up is also what will likely make your relationship not grow into marriage. He probably would be scared as well that you would cheat on him the same way you cheated on your current boyfriend with him. SO going back to him should not even be part of your solutions. In life we learn from our mistakes, and I hope what you have learnt out of this blunder will help you build a stronger relationship in future.

I advise that you talk to your boyfriend and strongly apologise. Don’t try to defend yourself or blame him, because that will only make him more angry. Instead accept all the blame and assure him that you have changed and that you will never cheat on him again (that is if you really mean it). You might need to try and talk to his close friend whom you are also very close to. If that friend convinces him to give you another chance, then he is likely to do so.

However, I’m sorry to say this, but don’t quash a plan B, which is to pick up your broken pieces and move on. A man usually won’t go back into a relationship where his girlfriend cheated on him with her ex lover. SO I can’t guarantee that he will give you another chance. Nonetheless, patience at times pays. If you really love him, then be patient, continue asking for forgiveness until he decided to give you another chance, though this would imply to him how desperate you are.

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