Dear Aunty Lisa

I’m not ready to get married, have a boyfriend or have a partner, but I get crushes on men. Usually they are temporary. I see them do or say something nasty or gross or they have habits I don’t like, like smoking or drinking. I then tell myself that they are not worth it, but I sometimes have a hard time forgetting them. I get stared at by men 30 or 40 years older than me and I don’t like it.

I’m not an outgoing sort of person. I have a job and try to be busy at all times. I’ve never been to parties or anything like that so I find it hard to talk to people. So, when I get a crush I usually tell myself that I can’t do anything other than forget it, because I’m scared about doing anything .

I often think I’ll do something stupid. If ever alone with a guy I I’ve liked or still like, I just get really embarrassed and clam up.

I’m 24 and I have a lot of life before me, and I want to do positive things in my life. If by any chance me and some nice chap get close, I want to stay with them for the rest of our lives. I know this isn’t really a question, but I want advice as to whether my ideas are good, and what I could do to be more relaxed around boys.

Mimi, Sandton

 

Aunty Lisa’s Response

Dear Mimi,

Having crushes is totally normal, even if you know the person isn’t quite right for you. Don’t pressure yourself to forget about your crushes because that will make even harder. And if you really like the guy you shouldn’t have to forget about it! You definitely do have a lot more options than to tell yourself you can’t do anything except forget about it.

You aren’t the only one who doesn’t know what to say when you’re around your crushes. Talking to guys (and girls) can be very scary and we often worry about what to say or how to act. The most important thing though is to just be yourself. Sometimes conversations can be awkward but that’s how we learn to get better at them.

And remember, if you are feeling nervous , your crush probably is too! Both guys and girls can get nervous when talking to the opposite sex. I think it’s great you want someone you really like and can be with forever. And you are right that you have years ahead of you before you need to worry too much about finding someone.

But what happens if this guy comes along and you are too scared to talk to him? The best thing you can do is practice talking to guys now and getting comfortable with it so when a great guy comes along, you can be relaxed and enjoy his company :

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