Dear Aunty Lisa,
I am 37 years old and the mother of a teenage girl. Five years ago I met a young man who was ten years my junior. I developed a soft spot for him and took him into my home as he needed help and was struggling to stay afloat. He was attending a skills-training school, but had no family support and little money. At the time I was living alone as my daughter was living with her dad.
Our relationship soon grew intimate. He was very affectionate and attentive. Though he wasn’t able to contribute financially, I was able to take care of my bills as I was employed.
After about six months I came across some messages that he had been exchanging with women on a website that were intensely sexual in content. One of these women, an older woman, lived abroad and was planning a trip to South Africa to meet him. He offered her accommodation where they would then get to know each other. I was devastated.
I confronted him and he claimed that the older woman was a friend of his mother and that she just wanted somewhere to stay while she was here. As for the other women, he said he was sorry. I forgave him after a couple of weeks and we started our relationship again.
Over the next few years we had similar experiences. He claims he never had sex with them, and that it’s ‘just a guy thing’.
I told him it was over and he should leave my house. Once again he begged and cried, calling my relatives and asking them to talk to me. Now, one year later he’s still under my roof, praying and hoping that I will change my mind and give him another chance. I don’t trust him and I never will again. I’ve grown to resent him. He says he’s been to counselling and he has now discovered God but even with all that I still don’t care. Am I really being selfish and unreasonable?