Dear Aunty Lisa
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. We briefly broke up after a year because I felt like he didn’t put any effort into our relationship, but he really fought to win me back so I gave him another chance.
Second time around, I’ve never loved him more. But recently, I feel as if he’s being really selfish.
He’s five years older than me and has a car and a great job, whereas I’m a student at uni with no job.
We live a five-minute drive from each other and there have been a number of occasions where I’ve been at his house until late and he never offers to drop me home.
He always expects me to get the bus really late at night and when there aren’t any buses, he tells me to get a cab. But I can’t afford to do that every time.
He has paid for some cabs home for me, but the other day he called saying he was fed up of me trying to ”guilt trip” him into dropping me home and that I owe him £45 for cab fares.
The thing is, he never pays for anything and didn’t even get me a birthday present this year. I couldn’t afford to get him one, but I bothered to get him a card with a meaningful message inside.
He’s making good money, but the way he’s been speaking to me is as if I’m spoilt or out of order for expecting a lift home. It’s really getting to me, but when I try to explain how I feel, he just disagrees.
He said he doesn’t want to end things, but this recent argument has made me question our relationship. Am I deluded for wanting my boyfriend to drop me home and pay for dinner sometimes, or should I end it?
Aunty Lisa says
I don’t think you’re deluded for wanting him to do these things, but I don’t think you can necessarily expect it.
I think there’s probably a deeper issue here, but it’s become about the lifts home and cab fares because you’re both avoiding what’s really going on.
You’re both at different stages of your lives – he’s settled in a job and earning money and you’re a student, and maybe it’s that incompatibility that’s the real problem.
Being miserable about taking you out for dinner is one thing, but I don’t like the fact he would let you walk home or get a bus late at night.
If you can’t afford the cab fare, then invite him to your place, so you don’t have to worry about getting home.
As for going out for dinner, don’t nag him to take you out – let him invite you and, when he does, say you’d like to go but can’t afford to pay for it, which makes you feel bad.
I think if you’re the partner with money, you just need to hear someone say, “Look, I’d love to come out, but I feel bad because I can’t afford it”.
If none of that works, I think that perhaps it’s time to walk away and find someone who understands the stage you’re at in life and won’t make you feel bad about it.