I’m having problems with my parents and my fiance. I am due to get married in a month and I’m desperately stressed.
When we got together, he suffered from depression and was in and out of work, which understandably worried my parents.
However, they leaned heavily on me about it, which meant I had to deal with their disapproval along with everything else.
He has come through it and is on medication. He also had a great job.
However, he has always resented them for having a go at me about his situation instead of supporting me, and for not understanding or supporting him either.
He also takes issue with how involved they are in our lives.
They have been overbearing at times, even calling me to tell me they’re worried about my weight and to ask how my fiance pays for things, even though they know he has a good job.
Since then things have been up and down. He doesn’t enjoy seeing my parents, although he makes the effort.
They are used to seeing me a lot, though, and aren’t happy with the amount of time we now spend with them.
I know they also think he’s rude and question his manners. This I kind of agree with as he doesn’t come across very well, being naturally loud and possibly a bit too honest for his own good.
But I also know that a lot of this is down to stress and nerves of being around them. He means well and has a good heart and I love him very much.
There is so much good in him they don’t see. He is a great and supportive partner, who is romantic, caring and will do anything I ask of him.
We have a very equal relationship now in terms of work and managing our lives, and I feel safe and happy with him.
However, because I know my parents have these doubts, I’m starting to question things, too.
I worry that I shouldn’t be marrying someone they don’t approve of.
I have always tried hard to please my parents and it’s causing me huge anxiety to think they don’t like him. It’s making me feel very confused.
Have your say in the comments below
Aunty Lisa says
You are marrying him, not your parents. You’re the one sharing your life with him while your parents will see him for Sunday dinner occasionally.
I think because you’ve spent your life trying to please your mum and dad, and desperately don’t want to disappoint them, you doubt every decision you make.
It’s clear to me that you and your fiance are a very strong and sensible couple who are also in love.
You’ve come through a tough time and instead of breaking you, it’s made you stronger. Those are great foundations on which to build a marriage.
I think you should show your parents the letter you’ve written to me – it’s from the heart and I hope it will make them think twice about trying to change your mind and cause you stress on the run up to your wedding.
Naturally, your fiance is defensive when he sees your parents – it’s a credit to him that he still makes an effort with them for your sake, even though he knows what they think of him.
You can’t choose a life partner based on whether your parents like him. If
you love each other that’s what counts.