“My problem started long ago but I have been ignoring it. My boyfriend and I have a child of 12 and she is the only thing keeping us together. Whenever I call him to do something for the child, he swears at me, telling me that I must leave him alone. He thinks that I’m making excuses to see him when I tell him that our child needs to see him. His attitude is also affecting the child’s upbringing. When they spend weekends together, she comes back swearing like anything. I am very depressed and frustrated. I wish someone had told me that I needed to choose carefully who the father of my baby would be. Where I can go to improve the situation between me and the father of my child?”
– Popi, Khayelitsha
My dear Popi
I don’t understand why you call him “to do something” for his child. It sounds as if you still care for him and I think you use the child to meet him. There is nothing wrong with that, but you are wasting your time.
I agree with you that a child needs both parents and you are both responsible for her welfare. But it is not good that the child learns to swear when she is with her father. I think she would be better off without her father because she is learning bad habits from him. I suggest you first arrange for him to pay maintenance for his daughter and then get professional help to forget about him. Talk to a social worker or your priest about this. They would be in a good position to guide you.

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